i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
