It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
