To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
