My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
