dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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