dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The air was thick with penises
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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