Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
