I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
