someone get that fucking seahorse.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
