trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
