bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
