Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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