He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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