the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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