I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
