i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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