I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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