So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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