do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
