Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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