I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
