help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
