ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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