so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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