last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
