we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
