I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
