My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
