I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
