he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
