Me too!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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