Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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