I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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