That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
