My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
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he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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