You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize