Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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