M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
