i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
