That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i was born a porn star she said
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
