she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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