Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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