I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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