Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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