I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
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the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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