you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
