I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
