3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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