i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
