she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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