I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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