put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
