remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
