I heard we made out
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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