So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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