Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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