So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
