Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
