she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
